TODAY

today there were volleyball tryouts but they didn't release the time of the actual tryouts until school had started and since my mom had a day off today, she was gonna pick me up at the normal time as I couldn't contact her using my phone during school hours so as soon as school ended I tried to call her cell but she didn't pick up( later I found out that someone stole it) and when I called home several times she was apparently already on her way here AND when I called my dad he didn't pick up either. So the boys rushed into their locker room and I put my cellphone into the locker to keep it safe( which explains why I didn't pick up when my mom called me back) and we began the tryouts(which lasted like an hour) during which, I expected my mom to spot me and I would be able to explain the matter to her, but I never saw her and she never saw me. So after the tryouts as I began walking home, I again called my mom's cell and the home phone and my dad. And my dad picked up, so he(or at least I think so), contacted my mom and told her I was safe.She also kinda freaked out when she couldn't find me.

police

You know those like teenagers that drive w/ SUPER LOUD rock music and there cars are specially made to bounce up and down?,Well, during my trip to china, I saw a POLICE IN A POLICE CAR doing that.

why doesn't the government like change all the school times and move everything 1 hour later? that way students could get more sleep and the exact same amount of education.

i was peeing and holding the pen when it dropped in and got flushed down the toilet

Totally true experience in china( with minor adjustments)

my trip to China went pretty smoothly, visiting relatives and such, so I will only relate to you guys( like... the 3 of you) the most memorable occasions. First, was, 'A Night of Adventure' or at least that's what I call it. At the early rays of dawn, me and older brother(Carl) who were shoved into a reasonably sized bedroom with my snoraholic dad, to spend the upcoming days, couldn't sleep at all, due to two reasons: 1. the heat 2. the DAD!!!!!( and his snores). Luckily, there was a ceiling fan in the room, but the outlet, very inconveniently, was located on THE CEILING!?!(Whats up with that?). So, stealthily, I turned to face my wide-awake and sweating brother, and whispered"You wanna plug in the fan?"
He sighs, and grunts:" You do it"(he was being a lazybum). Me, being the good boy that I am, sighed dejectedly, stood up and started reaching for the socket, which was dangling near the top corner of the room, where my dad's Ipad(his mighty sword) was being charged. I realized that in order to tiptoe and reach the outlet, the only possible place for me to be standing on were: 1. my dad or 2. on his iIpad. So I crawled over my dad and quietly unplugged the ipad's charger and gently picked it up, fully conscious of the threat beneath me. I put the Ipad in the supply truck and ship to the kitchen, where I charged the ipad, knowing my dad would be cranky if the ipad ran out of power tomorrow. I then return to my place where my brother is waiting for me.
He looks at me and states:" I'm outta here, you?"
"Where to?" I ponder out loud.
He replies" To our aunt's house which is vacant, next door."( all of this was being spoken in Chinese, and this is a rough translation. A tense pause follows which is broken by one of my Dad's loudest snores yet, deciding the answer for me. Of course, I'm with him. So both of us get up, and desperately search for our shirts and pants( my brother and I slept with no shirt or pants due to the heat, and yes, we were wearing underwear) but it turns out my mom took our clothes to put into the washing machine so we had to deal with being mostly naked as we hustled out all the remaining surviving pillows and blankets of the 'Snorasaurus Apocalypse.'But as I, a faithful savior, makes mistakes too, like the rest of you minor mortals, I tread on the tail of the Menacing WaterBottle! The WaterBottle roared, creating a ear-spitting crinkling sound, but luckily, this particular water bottle being a deep sleeper, regained it's composure quickly as I lifted my foot of of it. The rumbus the WaterBottle had caused had almost awoken the Mighty Dad, as Dad had turned in his sleep and snorted loudly. If he had woken, a major catastrophe would have taken place. So we hustle half our bed-wear out the doorway, grabs the keys to our aunt's house and unlock the backdoor.

We return on a second trip to retrieve the second half of our supplies( including, wallets, belts, socks). During which, I slipped and thumped my knee against the wooden surface of the bed(I still have the bruise) which led me to almost yell. After, when Carl was comfortably set in and waiting for me, my brother realized he had forgotten his valuable watch in the other house. luckily, I was just returning with my shoes when my brother screams" WAIT!!" I freeze and he pushes me aside and dashes into the room. Later, when I questioned him about his awkward actions, he replied " A man, never leaves his watch behind."Turning over,I mocked my brother under my breath while nursing my swollen knee.

I was about to drift off when I quickly recalled the Ipad, and its current position and taking in the fact that my dad will be searching frantically for it in the morning and I was 100% sure that he would wake us up and question us, disrupting our much welcomed sleep. I voiced my opinions to Carl, who suggested I go on a "scouting trip" to the front and see if the front door of the first door was locked or not, if it wasn't, I would return for him and we would go together to pull out the mission( my relucantcy to undertake a mission without a partner to keep watch. We shook on it and made a solemn pledge( and Carl's a smooth talker, so if my dad did wake up me and my bro probably wouldn't have gotten in trouble). We shook on it and made a solemn pledge. Just as I was about to leave the residency,UGAHHHAH, my stomach was REALLY QUEASY. As I rushed to the toilet I called to Carl " TAKING A DUMP!........*silence* ......... ahhhhhh" After that I exited the house ( still half naked, thinking no one would see me since it was the dead of night) and took in the magnificent stillness and tranquility of the scene. All peaceful, except, ONE jogger, walking his dog, currently staring at the screen of his phone, about 10 feet away from me as he crossed the street. I was so worried about him spotting me that in my mind I began to think of excuses of my weird behavior incase he spotted me. Let me please stress the point that I WAS MOSTLY-NAKED!!!

So, as I was racking my brain for ideas, I notice that this guy isn't wearing an upper covering either, and I suddenly realize he's one of those midnight joggers, and that I could pose as one too. So, shoulders high, knees straight, I strut into the scene casually as though I "belonged". The Preoccupied Jogger, as I nicknamed him, was so busy looking at his phone that he didn't even notice as I strode past him( though keeping a safe distance between us . The whole time I was observing him, up to the point that he continued the stroll and disappeared as he rounded the corner. People are quite obsessed with technology these days huh..?

I go up to the front door and attempt to pry it open, but realizing it is locked, I return to headquarters, and briefly gave my report to the general, who, after the meeting, gravely asked me, " Did you, or did you not, WIPE?!?"

my response was quick and short, "LIKE CRAZY, MAN!'




PS: As I later thought about this remarkable event, I had come to realize that there was only one pair of shoes between me and my brother, and them being mine,even if the front door had been unlocked, only I could have gone. I mentioned this to my brother, who said,with an evil grin, he knew this the whole time. MAN WAS I PISSED!!!! #>_<#